Something irks me. Adult humans, like some children, are always ‘letting themselves off the hook’. “It wasn’t me that did it.” “The devil made me do it.” Or, on the flip side, for the good things we do: “I only was able to do it with the help of my favorite god.”
Why do we always pass the buck? Well, yea. We don’t want to own the fact that messing up is completely our fault. And I get that. At heart we are animals, with urges that often pull us from ‘a sensible diet’ to ‘a pig out’; from ‘love, honor, and cherish’ to ‘do the one you’re with.’ From ‘love thy neighbor’ to ‘I can’t wait to punch that crumbum in the snoot.’ Our brains, our teaching are not always in charge.

But that doesn’t answer the question: “When we mess up, why do we blame, not just someone else, but rather ‘invisible forces beyond our control?” If our kid says that an invisible goblin broke her toy do we say, “Yeah, that happens sometimes. You have to guard your toys from goblins.” Maybe we say that to her if we want to be nice, cuing the kid in to the fact that we are onto her game.

But so often we adults blame ‘forces of evil’ for the way we hurt and destroy each other.

So here’s my simple question with a tough answer: How about we all take full responsibility for our actions from now on? It’s not the booze, or the drugs, or her sexy dress, or the pressures of work, or the threat of invasion, or polluting the gene pool or any other BS that is an excuse for the fact that we decided to do something that we and others will condemn and regret. Nobody made us do it, even if someone literally put a gun to your head and told you to do it.

Okay, there were circumstances, but you made a choice:

“I was me. I did it.”

And here’s the switch up: Let’s start with assuming we are the virtuous people we hold in esteem. That’s right. Being honest, and loving, and compassionate, and fair is the default. After all, we usually don’t teach our kids that their basic nature is: ‘Whatever you do you are going to mess up. You are innately a bad person and you are going to have to struggle hard not to lie, cheat, steal, hurt, kill. But of course you are going to do those things a lot because you can’t help it. And usually you can blame ‘the powers’ because it isn’t really your fault.

Some kids learn that. And they are dangerous from an early age. But talk to almost any adult and they will say that ‘sinning’ is ‘human nature’.

So why do adults teach each other that?

Now here’s an important point: We do mess up. All the time. But we don’t have to say that is the default. And we certainly don’t have to say it is WHO WE ARE. Because saying it is who we are not only forgives it, and that can be useful, it excuses and expects it. It removes power from people who say, “You don’t have to do that. You have a choice. Here’s what it is and I love you and will help you find it.”

Most of the time most people are not sinners.

Yes, sometimes our brains and our hearts are broken. Some of us, a few of us, have lost the ability to see that we can be good people. And a good person isn’t someone walking around with a halo, shaming others with a ‘holier than thou’ attitude. A good person is simply what I stated above: someone who believes and practices the basic idea that their default is their best self. They will mess up…often. But that is not who they are.

And here’s an important part: It doesn’t take following a saint, or cleaving to ‘the seven sacreds’, or ‘pledging your life to a god’ to be a good person. It takes believing that is your default. What you do is very important, but it is not who you are.

There is a basic yardstick: as a grownup you ask yourself—“Am I making my life and the lives of those around me better?” If your answer is ‘no’, ask, “Why not?” If your answer to that is some version of, “People didn’t make my life better.” or “I am handicapped and can’t win unless I cheat.” or “You can’t trust people. Hurt them before they hurt you.” Or any of a hundred excuses for leading with bad behavior. Then what you are doing is teaching the child in you (and any you influence) that there is no hope; that they are destined to be ‘sinners’, and that no one will care. You are creating the system you hate.

The problem is, that is the biggest lie on earth. People care. Almost all people can and do care. That is innately who you, and they are. Who we are.

So, starting today, give yourself a chance. You don’t have to be saved by someone else, especially someone invisible. You don’t even have to forgive yourself. If you did bad, recognize that it was bad, and that it was your fault. Then tell yourself, “That’s not who I am.”